Yosara's Blog

True to your self.

yosara — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:27:54 +0000

After a long and lovely holiday in Amsterdam and in Spain working time was again in sight. Fortunatly that is a sight I enjoy and even anticipate on, so lucky me. A friend that I had met during a NLP Trainers training in 2006 was organizing a NLP Training and asked me to do this together with him, which meant, designing, writing, promoting and thinking about how to offer your special extra. This special extra should be why people choose to do their training with you (us in this case).

Soon after writing, and emailing with my friend it became obvious to me that his thoughts and vision on teaching or traning are far from matching mine. When mentioned these toatally different outlooks on NLP, training and writing, my friend answered that this would be good for diversity. That sounded logical, so on I went, however still feeling a bit strange, a bit insecure about how things would develope if there was nothing my friend and I had in common. When statements that I absolutely could not support came through I realized that my special extra would not be recognized. This training would be totally my friend’s training and dynamic, with many pieces of statements from great thinkers that would be half and not whole so a bit silly in my opinion. Should be easy to decide to withdraw from a further cooperation with my friend and continue with my own business. But on the other hand this was a great way and oportunity to learn about training and promoting. Wouldn’t be all that important that I would just do somebody else’s training and not contribute anything of my person. The only way to find out if it would be possible for me to disguard my values and believes and just teach somebody else’s would be by experience. I would then not be true to my self, but do you always have to be? Interestingly enough my friend ‘s training never happened. Just did not receive response on his promotion, a pitty but also a reflection of my friend’s thought and vision on training.

Inspiration.

yosara — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:37:40 +0000

Why is it that sometimes you can feel more inspired one day and less the other? Are our surrounding and siuations of influence? Is it our mood? If something is not happening to our satisfaction our mood can change, but many times our moods seem to change for no reason at all. At least that´s my experience. But inspiration is something of a different level, more of a mysterious kind of source that certain people are able to tap in to. These people are creative people, the chosen ones who the gift of creating is given, to light up our world here on earth or something. I think that way because books, music, movies, art, airplaines, bridges etc. etc. are meant to contribute positively to human kind. Or maybe these creative people do not tap into anything at all and their inspiration is allready inside of them and just comes out when it wants to. I have absolutely no idea how inspiration works. Now normal people who are not gifted with this capability of creating need inspiration to get something done, maybe even to go to work, from other people or events. That means that these ungifted people are being inspired by something outside of them and then find something inside of theirselves that makes them do what they want do. So maybe we are all gifted with inspiration, some of us to create, some of us to inspire and others of us to do different kind of things we are meant to do.

Decide for your best or for the best?

yosara — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 07:14:38 +0000

When you have to decide to do or change someting in your life because your situation is hurting or in other ways wronging you and others, you can ask for help. Counseling with an objective professional should make this a process well thought of. A good counselor includes every aspect of the situation, the whole picture must be looked at and thought of. Values, believes, context, history, desires, pupose, possibilities, growth, and most important love. When a catch 22 is all that you have got, whatever you decide on, there is always pain involved, you have a chance to work your way up to a higher level of consiousness. A rough and bumpy ride awaits you and you just have to trust your vehicle. Your awareness will expand and with this greater awareness you can decide wether to decide on what is best for you or decide for the best outcome in general.

Repeating Childhood

yosara — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:46:03 +0000

Do you know this phenomena of men or women always falling for the wrong guy? Some people just seem to attract the ones that hurt them? I had a chat with this guy yesterday on a terrace while sipping wine in the sunshine, he explained to me what I had allready learned at the Dutch academy for Psychotherapy. He knows that he falls for the “wrong women” and by knowing so he is now capable of saying No to them. Logically my question to him would be something like; if you know your self so well, why don´t you change your perception so that you decide on a nice woman. His answer was so clear, he simply said; I do not feel attracted to nice women. I repeat my childhood, live the life that I know. Even though this is a happy guy, full of life and enjoying every moment, I cannot help but feel a shadow of sadness. My believe is that you can change your vision on life in order to overcome certain apects of your childhood that have helped create your personality. No one can change your history but you can change how you deal with your experiences in a way that they do not limit your life now. This kind of implicates that life could not be fully lived without sharing with a partner. That is a mayor assumption that I hold, and I will find out about why I hold that assumption. Maybe my western thinking or conditioning…

Listen.

yosara — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 08:57:40 +0000

What can you do to get the feeling that you are being listened to. In work situations and friendships this might be easy because your conversation partner wants to know your thoughts for some reason. They are either interested in learning something from you as a person or as a necaserry information source. Problems in the relational sphere often rise from this invisible feeling that people get, because the other is not acting like they know them well enough. At least that is what I get to work with in my practice for marriage counseling. So my job is to teach my clients to listen. Listen to your self when you speak, really hear what you are saying and realize if your words or describing what is happening or if your words are only a projection of your own issue. And ofcourse as a partner, the listening should be as open hearted as possible. There we have another field to tap in to. Because we all have had our own upbringing with values and believes, it must be very difficult to not let these values and believes interfere. The one thing you can do here is be fully aware of your experiences and upbringing, so that you know that you can let go of the marks they might have left on your heart. Good marks or bad marks, they work as filters to an open heart.

Mist

yosara — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:49:41 +0000

When in my practice for coaching and counseling I meet with relational issues or in other words relationship problems one of the thickest smoke curtains to keep feelings from conveying are the so called ” I express myself” outings. Mostly relational problems are about expressing who you really are in your most intimate relation. That is what we really want in our intimate relationship, we want our partner to see us, understand us and if possible even support us in time of personal trouble. So if that is what we want, that is what we try to achieve by talking about ourselfs and our stuff. Our history, experiences good or bad, and when bad we would want our partner to show that he/she understands us. Here is usually where the issues begin to take shape. Ofcourse we want to express our sorrows to our loved ones but we also imediatly think that they don´t get it right because these sorrows are so difficult to explain, so more words are thrown in and when he/she still does not react they way we want or need them to we blur out some more words. Our partner can be understanding and patient, but also feels impotent because he/she is not given the chance to open up and listen. So they automaticaly close up subconsiously and try to listen, really try to understand what is happening while the trying can be such a workout itself because of this veil always hanging in the way. Then I get to listen to these hurting people and I hear them say ” I really express myself “. The learning in my practice for marriage counseling is all about that. About giving your partner the chance the interpret your words as they come in their hearts and minds. This means that your course should be as clear as water instead of a waterfall of words. All the details that are of importance to you are just mistifying the core of your sorrow and therefor your loved one can not see what is going on any more. Very hard to find your home in misty surroundings..

Ofcourse my next blog will be about listening which is almost just as difficult as clear use of language.

Exams

yosara — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 20:14:44 +0000

Yep, it is that time of year again when young people have their exams either to pass to the next class or to finish their study. The younger people amongst these poor sweating ploughing through a large number of thick books are a species apart I think. Their hormones are rollercosting through their bodies and they try to act as normal as possible, which of course is even more confusing because they don´t really want to act normal. What is normal anyway? What can be defined as normal behavior for this group of growing up people? Parents usually have their opinion about normal behavior, and usually this manual of normal behavior is written from an adult point of view. I am also a parent to a sweating ploughing through a large number of thick books young person. How lucky am I to have the advantage that I have learned the art of matching as part of my studies to be a Counselor. To all parents with studying children, this is a crucial moment for you to sacrifice your own values and use your yougsters language. If you could do this, you might find that it is the easiest and most loveable way to get them through these exams that are an important part of the rest of their lifes.

Counseling, Ballet and Art

yosara — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 21:01:11 +0000

Criztina de Châtel Ballet gave a performance in the Vondelpark in Amsterdam last Friday. I felt so lucky to be a witness of an amazing piece of art consisting of choreograpy, dance performance and design. Ofcourse the music is also an important aspect of this whole spectacle, though in my experience the choreography and the bodies of the dancers carried me to a place of beauty. The way the dancers use their bodies so precisely and delicate yet so very strong and powerfull awoke in me a deep feeling of gratidude for the existance a perfect world out there to be seen and enjoyed. The David of Michael Angelo had the same impact on me, this perfect statue cut out of a huge piece of marble. One of the many books about Michael Angelo has a quote in it that says: I don´t make the statue, it is already there in the stone. I only chip a way the surplus. That is exactly my believe about counseling, a good counselor knows the perfect person is already there, we just find them under the surplus of experiences, believes and thoughts that keeps them from manifesting.

Heart matters

yosara — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 16:43:14 +0000

There are many sayings about the heart, like: from my heart, with all my heart, heartbreaking, big heart, small heart. Having this chat today with a dear friend suddenly these heart matters came up. When do you have a big heart and when do you have a small heart? We didn´t get to agree so we looked it up on the internet. I guess most of you already know that having a small heart only means that you feel for others people harm and that you are not very brave. A big heart means that you always help other people, no matter what, you just do so because you feel that you have to.

I think I have both, a big heart because I believe that you should help people when you get the chance and a small heart because I do feel for other people’s sorrow and I might not always be very brave. Does that mean that there is room for two hearts in one ? Maybe one can have a small big heart.

Bad News

yosara — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 09:47:06 +0000

Just bad news. Sometimes bad things happen to good people they say. I guess for bad news people like thieves and liars this is a true saying. We can find answers to questions about that in spiritual books like the the books from Sam Neal. This guy has conversations with God or something. I read his first book more then 15 years ago and now it comes back to me. According to him bad stuff happens because of some sort of balance which we keep untill we all commit to the good. Untill every single soul is clean and free from bad thoughts we keep this balance of good and bad. Anyway that is what I remember from the book and also that I found it nonsense.
So my purse was pickpocketed from me yesterday and these disgusting people responsible for that act had great shopping fun with my creditcard. I just cannot find it in my spiritual soul to not find these people disgusting. Really tried to understand those thieves, imagined their happiness when they found my purse with money and like topping on the cake also a creditcard. The rush they must have felt when they purchased the laptop with my creditcard, the same rush I feel when I coach my clients via my webportal. http://www.onlinepersonalcoach.net/
But unfortunately it does not work that way. I still find them poor, stupid and disgusting. Guess I am not contibuting to the world with these thoughts, so I will try to change them and see if there is some compassions in my soul for the thieves and the liars.